In Loving Memory of Dennis

It was 11 years ago today that Dennis died. I am forever grateful for the 8 and one half years that I had with him. He was such a special person, and there will always be a place in my heart that will remember him.

Many people will say that this is the anniversary of his death. But I like to think of it as the anniversary of his first day in heaven.

"Time heals". I  heard that phrase over and over after Dennis died. It is not entirely true because it is what you do with the time that counts.

Everyone is unique in their grief and you must continue to find ways to help yourself. It took me a long time to heal, much longer than I thought. But remembering and honoring Dennis on certain days helped me along the path of healing.

I had to handle Dennis' death in a way that worked for me. I constantly looked for rituals to honor and remember him. The first year I did something for every holiday, birthday, anniversary or any other special day I could think of. I remember going with friends to Dennis' favorite restaurant on his birthday. On another occasion, I  had a rock engraved with our names on it and put it out in my garden. I also wrote a letter to Dennis on a balloon and released it into the sky. On the anniversary of the day we met I wrote a letter to a radio station and dedicated a song to him. The letter was read on the air and the song "Unforgettable" was played. Ocassionaly, I went back to some of our favorite spots in Santa Barbara. It was healing to go there  alone and just talk to Dennis. But sometimes I just couldn't be alone and I am thankful that I could turn to family and friends. On the first Christmas after his death I had a special ornament made and put it on my tree. The video that I had made with my favorite pictures of Dennis and our love songs is very special to me.( Thanks Greg for putting all the time in to make that video just right!)

I went to support groups for 2 and a half years. I never thought that I would go that long, but it was just something that I needed to do. I made some good friends, and it was nice to be able to talk with people who were in the same situation as me. In fact, I have 8 other widows that I get together with, and they unknowingly picked today as our day for brunch. It will be a good day today.

"Get over it and move on" is the one phrase that never worked for me.  That made it sound like I was supposed to forget the person and get on with my life. Instead I tell myself that I need to find ways to help myself heal and also live my life to the fullest.

Here it is 11 years later. I am definately in a different place. I look back with a smile and remember the good times I had with Dennis. I am forever grateful that he was in my life and I know he is looking down on me and smiling too.